Happy Feet

Walk All Over The Legends!

After the introduction from Jay Leno, the crowd cheered wildly. The members of the band each smiled and waved, and took their place in history.

The scene: Rustic and renowned Graumaunn's Chinese Theatre in beautiful downtown Hollywood, Tinseltown, California, USA. Situation Tranquil was honored as not even the Rolling Stones have been - with footprints in cement AND golden stars on the endless sidewalk that glitzes Sunset Blvd. The jubilant, admiring, loving, respectful, short-attention-spanned onlookers yelled "Speech, speech!" as each ST legend in turn imprinted their hands, feet, and other body parts in concrete for posterity.

Clad in a soiled toga and sporting an Andy Warhol hairdo, ST drumming and percussion genious Markus Elman grabbed the mike from an adoring Leeza Gibbons and shouted, "Be... all you can...be!" - a harkening back to the band's humble beginnings in the U.S. Army. The crowd roared its approval, and numerous security officers had to restrain eager fans. Elman took his ever-present Weisen beer and slammed it into the cement before him, only to elicit more chaotic pleasure from the gathered throng.

Slashing gutarist Ennis Hair, dressed in studded leather and sporting a six-foot pigtail culminating in a golden lawnmower medallion, somersaulted in and splashed his Nikes down in the eager cement. Another cheer rose and Ennis screamed his immortal "Who axed you?" to the adoring masses. Out of seemingly nowhere, steel guitarist fantastico Iggy Burnett materialized, and the crowd began to chant "IG-gy.. IG-gy... IG-gy" repeatedly. The Iggster lifted a Subway sandwich high above his head and with a mighty "Rapunzel Rapunzel shave off your hair" slammed it into the mushy mixture at his feet, jumping in and rolling around. More ecstatic cheers from the crowd, and nearly a third of them reached orgasm.

Suddenly we were directed to the sky and a chant of "K-F! K-F!" arose as ST bassist and co-founder and megalomaniac KF Nibla dropped from the sky in a blue and white Detroit Tigers parachute. A few bystanders were temporarily deafened as the mob roared its approval. KF dropped onto the statuesque arches of the cinema theatre edifice and yelled, "There is no easy way from the earth to the stars!!" followed by a swan-dive into his allotted cement block. The crowd went nuts as KF disappeared beneath the grey mixture.

Finally, ST keyboardist, co-founder, and general rock prima donna Dr. H.S.G.G.P Trash, yelling "Truth disappears with the telling!" emerged from the entryway of the theatre holding two sticks of dynamite and a Bic lighter. Everyone yelled gleefully.

Were you in attendance? What was your experience? Did you lose permanent function of one or more or your senses?