The Old Tiger

Former Manager Camps Out, Speaks Out

Unlike other old parks that are demolished after being replaced, Detroit's Tiger Stadium still stands, a mile from the Tigers' current home, Comerica Park. Of the 17 Major League Baseball teams that relocated to new parks since 1981, 13 had their old yards leveled. In San Francisco and San Diego, the old structures are used for NFL games. The Houston Astrodome stages high school football and other events. Tiger Stadium is simply abandoned, like many buildings in Detroit.

Or at least that's the public perception. In fact, Tiger Stadium was quietly puchased from the city for an undisclosed sum in 2003 by ST's original manager, Ralph T. Sims. Sims, who was fired by the band in 1991 after publicly proclaiming that the music of Garth Brooks "had some interesting aspects", now makes his home in an Afghan yurt situated in the stadium's former infield. The yurt, a circular domed portable and self-supporting dwelling traditionally used by nomadic peoples of central Asia, is an appropo shelter for Sims, a Kentucky native who moved frequently during his youth as a Navy brat, spent 25 years scattered across the globe in the Army, and managed ST as they traversed the rockstar road, graduating from BBQ parties to EM clubs to German bistros to Indian casinos to nightclubs & konzerthalles to arenas & stadiums all over the world.

"We played here in '85, and I fell in love with the place," said a reflective Sims, in a rare interview. Since his sacking, Sims, save for a brief stint as campaign manager for Bob Dole's failed 1996 presidential bid, has maintained a characteristically low profile.

Q: Kid Rock once wrote a lyric saying that he's got more money than Situation Tranquil. Do you think that's true?
Sims: Fuck no. That's not possible. I mean 27 platinum records, 3 Oscars, a hit cartoon series, hundreds of endorsements... I mean the band fucking owns Grand Cayman Island, for crying out loud.

Q: What's the meanest thing you've ever read about yourself?
Sims: That I bear a striking resemblance to Goofy. That hurt a little bit. But I don't care. It's true.

Q: What was the weirdest show ST ever played?
Sims: Without a doubt, the Bayou in Washington DC. There had been freak hailstorms, and the place was mobbed. I think the Pope was in town that day. Anyway, Berlin - led by sexy Terri Nunn - opened. As we started our set - I think the song was "Show Me Your Fusebox" - someone shouted that Jon Bon Jovi was in the audience, and KF and Trash stormed off the stage midway through the chorus. Elman suddenly started pawing at Terri, and she screamed until he was arrested. Meanwhile Iggy - who'd downed his usual fifth of Jack just before the show - continued to play through the setlist, but on a bright red kazoo he'd found in the men's room... while the audience sat, cross-legged, and swaying, kumbah-ya style. Later I saw Stiv Bators - who was a huge ST guy in those days - pick a fight with Bon Jovi while Hair quietly had a cup of coffee with Bon Jovi's wife. Years later Ennis told me he'd taken both her and Terri to a Home Depot later that night, where they'd had a threesome in one of those lawn shed displays.

Q: What's the best album to listen to on acid?
Sims: I don't do drugs. Just cigarettes, and beer. And the occasional joint. With mescaline. I prefer to meditate. Music makes me high.

Q: How much do you have to eat to stay fat doing coke?
Sims: I -- hey fuck you, get outta my Park. This interview is over.