Yellow Pools of Sunlight Ooze Over the Top of His Barefoot Shoes

Pulling the Bases Out of a Hat with Dr. Trash
He changed the music industry. Now he's after MLB and magic

by Heidi Edelweiss, Das Bild

When Dr. Stanley Trash cruises into the airy lagoon/lobby of the posh Hilton Waikoloa Resort on the Kona Coast of Hawaii's Big Island on a recent morning, nobody pays much attention to him, even though, as an internationally renowned genius rock-god legend, his face is more recognizable than yours in the mirror. He's wearing shorts, a black T-shirt and running shoes, and an Australian drover coat. Tall and strikingly handsome, Trash has a fast, loping walk that looks like a werewolf skating on a pond of coffee. These days the Doctor seems eager to distance himself from his barefoot youth -- who was that crazy piano prodigy who once called amplified music "chimp-snot"?-- and driven to reinvent himself as both a Major League Baseball player - currently with the Baltimore Orioles - and a practicing sorcerer.

Trash punches the elevator button to the seventh floor, where he keeps a small office. For a man who is as responsible as anyone for the wonder and chaos of the international music scene, Trash's view of it all is surprisingly modest: graceful palms extending out toward Hapuna Bay, the distant whoosh of water below. There is nothing modest, however, about his resume - see http://situationtranquil.blogspot.com - yet now his steel-trap, vice-grip, laser-intense mind-control focus is on... home runs and hocus pocus. The move to baseball may be obvious, but Trash's bet on commercial necromancy & prestidigitation is a hugely risky move in many ways, not only because powerhouses such as God and Harry Potter are gunning to outdo Satan (and Batman will be soon, as well), but because success may depend on how well Trash, a forty-two-year-old semi-reclusive billionaire, is able to understand and respond to the fickle magic-practicing habits of eighteen-year-olds in their college dorms.

Q: It's an honor to meet you.
Trash: You're hot. Great ass.

Q: What do I call you? Doctor?
Trash: Call me El Jefe. Nice rack, too!

Q: What attracted you to baseball? You seem athletic, but hitting a baseball is reputedly the most difficult challenge in sports.
Trash: That's why I became a pitcher. I love pitching. Know what I mean? (Winks)

Q: Tell us about your pitching. How many pitches do you have?
Trash: Well, the pitch - the act of throwing a baseball toward home plate to start a play - relies much on the seams of the ball. The seams catch the air and their motion is exaggerated or changed, making the ball more difficult to hit. I'm somewhat of an anomaly, I guess - where the typical successful major league pitcher has 2-4 pitches, I actually have 24 pitches. Honed my skills over years of touring, throwing stuff off the stage.

Q: What are your pitches?
Trash: I have a traditional fastball, two-seam fastball, four-seam fastball, cut fastball, split-finger fastball, forkball, rising fastball, breaking ball, curveball, knuckle curve, slurve, sinker, slider, screwball, yellow submarine, changeup, palm change, circle change, knuckleball, Eephus pitch, brushback, beanball, spitball, and surprise intentional ball. But my best pitch is the wild pitch. How about you? Are you wild?

Q: Well, I'm Bavarian -
Trash: I do like the cut of your jib.

Q: Do you see any parallel between the magic revolution today and musical explosion of ST in 1981?
Trash: I think they're really two paths to the same reality. It's about gravitation - the two frames of experience are similar, both allow you to frame infinity.

Q: How did your bandmates react when you initially approached them about your dual career shift?
Trash: (Pause) There was a lot of spittin' up blood, pissin' blood and bleedin'.

Q: Investing so much effort and money in re-popularizing wizardry and witchcraft was obviously a bold move. Did you do much hand-wringing over it?
Trash: I don't know what hand-wringing is. We did a lot of thinking about it. As the saying goes, 'If not for the courage of the fearless crew...'

Q: What do you mean by that? Entering the world of abracadabra voodoo shamanism?
Trash: As the saying goes, 'I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore...'

Q: Lately, the conjuring industry has been threatening to throw anyone caught illegally downloading magic tricks in jail. How smart is that?
Trash: Amber graves of liberty for all... deliver us from freedom! Sure it's smart. You deserve what you get. Take it to the next level - capital punishment. And then add insult to injury - have the executioner yawn while killing each perpetrator.

Q: Of course, magic theft is nothing new. Haven't you ever performed bootleg incantations?
Trash: I like to go to the mall and drip honey from a jar from high up on the second floor and cut the drip with scissors and watch people's faces intently study mine trying to determine whether or not I'm sane. Then I look for Swedes.

Q: I'm not sure I --
Trash: Want to see my wand?

Q: Beg your pardon?
Trash: I've put a spell on you... take off your clothes!

Q: Off the record?
Trash: You are one blue-eyed spider. Purina Kitten Ciao, baby!


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