Outta Here!

High up on the Tibetan plateau at 10,000 feet lies the City of Golmud, isolated even by the standards of that barren land. With no airport and at least 16 hours from the nearest sizeable town by the fastest possible transport, the Han Chinese immigrants (imported to colonise the once free country of Tibet) of this fair city take their pleasures where they can.

It is here that Western Super-rock group Situation Tranquil has relocated to avoid unfair US taxation policies.

Advisors heave told the band that they should leave as soon as possible, this can be made difficult by China's strict internal passport controls. But rather band leaders KF Nibla and Dr. Elmore C. Trash stroll to the local potash plant, the City's principle industry, to visit the Cai Erhan Salt Lake, or to a giant half-empty dam (it doesn't rain much) or the hopelessly inefficient methanol plant. In this centrally planned, neo-Stalinist nirvana, they also wander through a maze of poorly constructed monumental buildings while sipping Golmud's exciting variety of toxic waters, available from the many corner stand-pipes; for as in most of China, environmental controls are non-existent. Yet it is not for all these delights that the city of Golmud deserves its own special entry in the Rock Music Hall of Fame. It is because KF and Trash have now decided this is the place they want to call home.

"Sure it's different. But I dig the vibe and the herbs available for earthly delites...dig?" says a relaxed yet energetic KF. "I feel America is no longer a place where free thinking people are welcome. So it's like...I'm outta there!"

Longtime ST keyboardist Dr. Mortimer J. Trash sees it this way, "There no place better for me right now at this point in my life. I mean hang gliding, scuba diving, chess playing, body surfing, macrame, poodle fluffing...it's all here and it's frickin cheap!"

The remaining members of ST are less than entusiatic. Rhythm guitarist Ennis Hair: "I like it right where I am. I'm not moving. I really don't care what DRT and KF do. Now if you'll excuse me there a virtual lawn care emergency in my yard."


30 Days to Life

A 'Bit of Fun' gone too far?

This past Saturday's Situation Tranquil gig in Oberturkheim started like any other. But according to eye-witnesses ST front man KF Nibla did the unthinkable. He failed to rock with God-given authority!

"What a rip off." said 23-year old Alicia Nordqwist. "We paid lots of money to see the concert but I don't think KF even tried."

Reports claim KF merely sat cross-legged in the center of the stage while playing with his gameboy during the two and a half hour duration of the show. Meanwhile his bandmates tried their best with a series of inspired 'jam sessions'.

ST keyboardist Dr. Horace L. Trash tried to explain. "I'm not sure where his (KF's) head was at. I mean we need him to make this ship sail. I'm thinking he's lost his lust for the music and I'm hoping I'm wrong."

During the entire evening there was only one glimmer of what ST could be. It was early in the show when Nibla bounced to his feet while the crowd roared its approval. For upwards of 30 seconds KF did his best Elvis shimmy and then rebooted the portable handheld gaming device.

In the post-show dressing room Nibla seemed back to his normal self. "We need more pastrami and an interesting mustard not this yellow crap."

ST management would not comment on the the late night riot that spilled out into city streets, nor would they comment on the threat of a class action suit to gain reimbursement for tickets sold.

Authorities said jail time under the German 'performance mussen' act may apply to this 'crime'.

Tonight the ST tour continues in Zell.