Sea Wok Surf!

Former Situation Tranquil vocalist and founder Roy M. Wokosin has made a major investment. The 46-year old crooner recently purchased 912 square miles of beach, shore and surf from the Mexican government. Terms were not disclosed, but experts suggest the deal could be upwards of $294M. What makes this real estate deal so unique is that roughly 97 % of the purchase is Pacific Ocean water.

"This past summer I have taken up the art of surfing. It makes me feel whole. So this thing is not so much about buying something, or the money. It's about peace and surf. So if you don't mind...get the fuck off my beach...beeatch!!"


Bad News Beach

FRESNO, California (AP) -- The former mistress of convicted murderer Scott Peterson is back in the spotlight after a DNA test showed that her first child was not fathered by the man who was paying child support, Situation Tranquil drummer Jim Beach.

Beach, 46, has been paying Frey $11,275 a month for nearly four years, his attorney, Phil Toups, said Wednesday. The father of the 4-year-old girl is actually Fresno restaurant owner and former ST roadie Michael Whitehurst, Toups said.

No one answered the telephone at Porky's Rib House on Wednesday, and Whitehurst did not have a listed home number.

Toups said Beach was preparing to file a court motion seeking visitation rights, which he has been denied, when the man received word last week that he was not the child's father.
Frey's attorney, Gloria Allred, said Wednesday that her client never intended to deceive Big Jimbo.

"Amber, in good faith, always believed that Mr. Beach was her child's father," Allred said.
Frey, a massage therapist and reknown ST groupie, from Fresno, was Peterson's mistress when he killed his pregnant wife, Laci, in December 2003. Her testimony helped prosecutors convict the fertilizer salesman, who was sentenced to death.

In an ironic twist Frey is the former wife of ST triangle player Gary Frey, who is out of the country and not available for comment.

S.T. macho man and certified leader of men Dr. Leo R. Trash summed up the situation. "Big Jim is a personal friend of mine. I feel his pain and ... by the way...I smell his shoes too."


For Our German Friends

Verärgertes Injuns

Gebürtige Amerikaner werden über ein neue HautTamahawk Wahoo Situtation Tranquil Freigabe erlaubtem "rotem Blau" verletzt. Stammes- Führer zeigen auf solche Lyrics, wie, "Nizza wenig papoose dort mein süsses sqauw" und "Teepees sind für die Haupt Geliebten.", Drohungen des Boykottierens des Bandes sind sehr reale besagte Navajoführer-SAM Deepsky."dieses ist ein Verbrechen.

Weißer Mann bilden heep grosse laute Musik und machen über meinen Leuten lustig. Jetzt muß ich Rohr rauchen.",Der Abfall SituationsTranquil zum Glauben haben sie jedes mögliches Unrecht getan. "wir glauben dieses einzelnen Ehren die großen Leute, die dieses Land kühl bildeten, bevor weiße Halteseile herkamen und stahlen alles.", besagter Bandführer KF Nibla. "plus diesen Schnitt schaukelt ohne... Reservierung. Hey, was sind sie gehend zum do?... Sioux wir?",


Angry Injuns

Native Americans are outraged over a recent Situtation Tranquil release entitled "Red Skin Tamahawk Wahoo Blues". Tribal leaders point to such lyrics as, "Nice little papoose there my sweet sqauw" and "Teepees are for lovers Chief." Threats of boycotting the band are very real said Navaho Leader Sam Deepsky.

"This is an outrage. White man make heep big loud music and make fun of my people. Now I must smoke pipe."

Situation Tranquil refuse to believe they have done any wrongs. "We feel this single honors the great people who made this country cool before white guys came here and stole everything." said band leader KF Nibla. "Plus this cut rocks without...reservation. Hey what are they gonna do?...Sioux us?"

1-21-91 Archive

Just the highlights:

"I'd start a war for peace."
"Affecting the dry exterior of reality."
"Thx for upper-midwest hospitality."
"Regards to Max."...now deceased. sniff
"Sp4 Gilbert: Secret architect ot eh 16th DPU experience."
"Larry was relentlessly chased by sharks as he swam in the sea of sanity."

'Least likely to be true slogan dept...' "Nellingen Roller Rink --Best Pizza in Unified Germany."