Music in Motion designed to satisfy carnal cravings and mental malaise
An Open Letter to Our Fans
Dear Situation Tranquil Fans:
On behalf of the entire ST organization, it gives me great pleasure to report that the National Labor Relations Board, "ST Support Musicians Inc" and the Band Situation Tranquil have reached a tentative deal on a new collective bargaining agreement.
While the deal is still subject to ratification by Weeks, Beach, Elman, et al, we believe the that the two parties have taken a huge step in the right direction in an effort to create a true partnership between the KF, Dr Trash and our 'support musicians'.
The response thus far from our fans and partners has been overwhelming and we know that you are as excited as we are to get the greatest band in the world back on the road. With a rocking band, great set list and ambitious tour ahead, we are very anxious to resume our quest to bring the 'Kick Butt Tunage' to the your town!
We will keep you up to date on the ratification process as it moves forward and we thank you for your continued support. This truly is ST territory.
Best regards, KF Nibla President and CEO Situation Tranquil
A Woman's View
By Wanda Verlinden
Much has been written and said over all these years about Situation Tranquil. In fact the legend has taken on a life of its own. I was there. I saw it all start. And let me tell you right now my story of ST.
It was late 1981 and we were all one big happy family. We were young, care-free and living the adventurous life in lovely Stuttgart. Beautiful gardens and fountains everywhere. Who would have thought those cute guys would one day control most of the free world. I mean that KF...what a hunk he was!! :) He was so sweet and strong and manly. Is it hot in here or just me?
Anyway. It seems like just yesterday...They would be hanging around building 3659 laughing and telling stories. The boom box would be playing Saxon or the Scorpions. KF loved Echo and the Bunnymen. I mean he had such great taste, and charming too! The way he would smile would just melt any girl's heart :-9
It seemed like there was a magic about them. You could tell they were creative and smart and fun. KF used to talk about the future. A future that I wanted to be part of. He was so dreamy.
I never dreamed they would take up music. It was like one day they just decided to make music. It was a trip to the rec center...There were guitars and drums you could use. From the moment they plugged in...It was like God himself smiled on these guys. KF especially had a gift. (he had a few gifts, I would later discover ...hehe) Oh those days. The music was like from angels. The melodies, the words. I felt like it was all written just for me.
But as time went on, and they became discovered, they started to play at parties and later at the ice rink in Esslingen, they changed. It seemed like their innocence just left them. They became more distant. Especially Dr. Trash. I never did like him much. He seemed mean and like he had no soul. Even KF stopped giving me 'attention'. I so desired his touch.
Then one day...They were gone. Just like that. I lost touch. My life moved on. I would marry, have kids and move to Idaho. Years later when I was at the market I saw those boys on the covers of Rolling Stone, Time, Men's Health, Better Homes, and Mad Magazine. They were men now.
One time I took our 'nest egg' and took the Greyhound all the way to Portland. I tried to get near the hotel. But the streets were blocked off. I went to the arena, but there were no tickets. I tried to see them when they arrived for the show. But the limo was so big and it just rushed by. I tried to get back stage. The things I had to do! Yuck. But all I got was a quick glance from KF as he came off stage. I don't think he recognized me. Whoose and they were gone. Just like that.
Now all I have are those memories from all those years ago.
The Old Tiger
Former Manager Camps Out, Speaks Out
Unlike other old parks that are demolished after being replaced, Detroit's Tiger Stadium still stands, a mile from the Tigers' current home, Comerica Park. Of the 17 Major League Baseball teams that relocated to new parks since 1981, 13 had their old yards leveled. In San Francisco and San Diego, the old structures are used for NFL games. The Houston Astrodome stages high school football and other events. Tiger Stadium is simply abandoned, like many buildings in Detroit.
Or at least that's the public perception. In fact, Tiger Stadium was quietly puchased from the city for an undisclosed sum in 2003 by ST's original manager, Ralph T. Sims. Sims, who was fired by the band in 1991 after publicly proclaiming that the music of Garth Brooks "had some interesting aspects", now makes his home in an Afghan yurt situated in the stadium's former infield. The yurt, a circular domed portable and self-supporting dwelling traditionally used by nomadic peoples of central Asia, is an appropo shelter for Sims, a Kentucky native who moved frequently during his youth as a Navy brat, spent 25 years scattered across the globe in the Army, and managed ST as they traversed the rockstar road, graduating from BBQ parties to EM clubs to German bistros to Indian casinos to nightclubs & konzerthalles to arenas & stadiums all over the world.
"We played here in '85, and I fell in love with the place," said a reflective Sims, in a rare interview. Since his sacking, Sims, save for a brief stint as campaign manager for Bob Dole's failed 1996 presidential bid, has maintained a characteristically low profile.
Q: Kid Rock once wrote a lyric saying that he's got more money than Situation Tranquil. Do you think that's true?
Sims: Fuck no. That's not possible. I mean 27 platinum records, 3 Oscars, a hit cartoon series, hundreds of endorsements... I mean the band fucking owns Grand Cayman Island, for crying out loud.
Q: What's the meanest thing you've ever read about yourself?
Sims: That I bear a striking resemblance to Goofy. That hurt a little bit. But I don't care. It's true.
Q: What was the weirdest show ST ever played?
Sims: Without a doubt, the Bayou in Washington DC. There had been freak hailstorms, and the place was mobbed. I think the Pope was in town that day. Anyway, Berlin - led by sexy Terri Nunn - opened. As we started our set - I think the song was "Show Me Your Fusebox" - someone shouted that Jon Bon Jovi was in the audience, and KF and Trash stormed off the stage midway through the chorus. Elman suddenly started pawing at Terri, and she screamed until he was arrested. Meanwhile Iggy - who'd downed his usual fifth of Jack just before the show - continued to play through the setlist, but on a bright red kazoo he'd found in the men's room... while the audience sat, cross-legged, and swaying, kumbah-ya style. Later I saw Stiv Bators - who was a huge ST guy in those days - pick a fight with Bon Jovi while Hair quietly had a cup of coffee with Bon Jovi's wife. Years later Ennis told me he'd taken both her and Terri to a Home Depot later that night, where they'd had a threesome in one of those lawn shed displays.
Q: What's the best album to listen to on acid?
Sims: I don't do drugs. Just cigarettes, and beer. And the occasional joint. With mescaline. I prefer to meditate. Music makes me high.
Q: How much do you have to eat to stay fat doing coke?
Sims: I -- hey fuck you, get outta my Park. This interview is over.
Beach On Ice?
ST Drummer to Try Hand at Hockey
With today's announcement of the end of the NHL Lockout, longtime Situation Tranquil drummer Jim Beach had an announcement of his own.
"I intend to play NHL hockey in the coming season. I've been working out very hard and doing some skating." said Beach. "Playing center for the Leafs has been a dream of mine for a few weeks now and I intend to do everything possible to make this happen."
Toronto General Manager John Ferguson, Jr. remarked, "Currently I am not in the market for an overweight 47-year old cake-eater."
To which Beach replied, "Trade me right fucking now!"
After the introduction from Jay Leno, the crowd cheered wildly. The members of the band each smiled and waved, and took their place in history.
The scene: Rustic and renowned Graumaunn's Chinese Theatre in beautiful downtown Hollywood, Tinseltown, California, USA. Situation Tranquil was honored as not even the Rolling Stones have been - with footprints in cement AND golden stars on the endless sidewalk that glitzes Sunset Blvd. The jubilant, admiring, loving, respectful, short-attention-spanned onlookers yelled "Speech, speech!" as each ST legend in turn imprinted their hands, feet, and other body parts in concrete for posterity.
Clad in a soiled toga and sporting an Andy Warhol hairdo, ST drumming and percussion genious Markus Elman grabbed the mike from an adoring Leeza Gibbons and shouted, "Be... all you can...be!" - a harkening back to the band's humble beginnings in the U.S. Army. The crowd roared its approval, and numerous security officers had to restrain eager fans. Elman took his ever-present Weisen beer and slammed it into the cement before him, only to elicit more chaotic pleasure from the gathered throng.
Slashing gutarist Ennis Hair, dressed in studded leather and sporting a six-foot pigtail culminating in a golden lawnmower medallion, somersaulted in and splashed his Nikes down in the eager cement. Another cheer rose and Ennis screamed his immortal "Who axed you?" to the adoring masses. Out of seemingly nowhere, steel guitarist fantastico Iggy Burnett materialized, and the crowd began to chant "IG-gy.. IG-gy... IG-gy" repeatedly. The Iggster lifted a Subway sandwich high above his head and with a mighty "Rapunzel Rapunzel shave off your hair" slammed it into the mushy mixture at his feet, jumping in and rolling around. More ecstatic cheers from the crowd, and nearly a third of them reached orgasm.
Suddenly we were directed to the sky and a chant of "K-F! K-F!" arose as ST bassist and co-founder and megalomaniac KF Nibla dropped from the sky in a blue and white Detroit Tigers parachute. A few bystanders were temporarily deafened as the mob roared its approval. KF dropped onto the statuesque arches of the cinema theatre edifice and yelled, "There is no easy way from the earth to the stars!!" followed by a swan-dive into his allotted cement block. The crowd went nuts as KF disappeared beneath the grey mixture.
Finally, ST keyboardist, co-founder, and general rock prima donna Dr. H.S.G.G.P Trash, yelling "Truth disappears with the telling!" emerged from the entryway of the theatre holding two sticks of dynamite and a Bic lighter. Everyone yelled gleefully.
Were you in attendance? What was your experience? Did you lose permanent function of one or more or your senses?
From the News Archives -- KF & Wendy O.: Together Again for the Very First Time
from Rolling Stone, December 16, 1986
Wendy O. Williams of the Plasmatics is pregnant and due to give birth to her first child in March. Unpredictable KF Nibla of Situation Tranquil is the guy who made it happen - the pair met during last year's Lord Snowden Invitational Rock Classic in Edinburgh and have been an on-again, off-again item ever since, finally making their affair public during President Reagan's annual "Shoot The Shit" celebrity fireside address. The announcement comes at an unstable time for the band, as they are currently auditioning clarinet players to replace Robert Loveless, who "found God" during the band's John Peel Sessions and left to pursue heavenly interests and altar boys. Benny Goodman guested on the band's new 12" single, "A Penny for Pedro".
ST To Release Their "Lost LP"
Lost Recordings Come to Light
"Godlike", once thought lost forever will soon be available in record stores.
Recorded in February of 1982, mystery surrounded this collection of classic ST songs. Originally it was thought someone had forgotten to press play AND record. Later it was believed that the master tapes were sold for food. Finally a lawsuit from former ST bassist Ennis Hair claimed the tapes were his alone as part of a solo project.
But now, years later the mixed down master studio tapes of "Godlike" have been redicovered at an Indianapolis flea market. Dr. Trash acquired the tapes for $52 and a nice area rug. He took the tapes back to LA and had them digitally remastered to recapture the best sound possible.
I think our fans will really enjoy this gem of a record." said Trash. "I had forgotten how good we really could be in those early sessions. "We're hoping to have this beauty ready for a September relase to coincide with the MLB Wild Card race."
A Digital Cranium
Can't Get That Song Out of Your Head?
Just when you thought the Situation Tranquil fanatiscism had hit its peak...now this! San Diego plumber Gary Myers has had an Apple IPod surgically implanted into his skull. The 48-year old father of two opted to have the 40 Gigabyte MP3 device, loaded with over 9,000 ST songs, implanted into his skull just below then brain's short term memory center.
"I've thought about this long and hard," said Myers. "I'm a huge fan and I wanted to listen to Sitation Tranquil music 24/7. Now I can!"
Myers' surgeon, David Benividez said the procedure went well. "No complications whatsoever. This was a text book case of ST-mania."
The 3-hour operation involved the delicate insertion of the IPod just below the memory center of Myers' smaller than normal brain. Upon waking in intensive care Myers was pleased. "How great is this. I am in some pain but I can hear ST's live version of 'Swimming in Lunacy' clear as day!"
Informed that the IPod runs on a recharable battery Myers appeared surprised.
A Good Sport
Former Hockey Rep to Front ST Interests
Situation Tranquil has fired long-time manager Joe T. Wright. Reasons for the dismissal were not given. Hired to take his place is former NHL Players Association boss Bob Goodenow.
"This is a great opportunity for me and my family," said a pleased Goodenow. "I have always been a fan and a lover of ST's music. I will do my best to help ST maintain its position of world dominance on the global music scene."
A somber KF Nibla expressed mixed emotions during this morning's conference call with the media. "Joe did a solid job for us for a long time. But recent revelations made it clear to me and the other members of this rightous band that Joe sometimes didn't have our well being at the forefront of his actions." KF failed to elaborate. Yet he seemed pleased with the addition of Goodenow. "I met Bob late in '89 after a particulaly awesome show in Edmonton. We hit it off. He had some great Rangers tickets and the rest is history. I always hoped to find a way to get him into the ST family."
Goodenow will be involved in all of ST's financial and tour related activities.
Goodenow looks ahead. "I truly look forward to a long relationship with the boys."
ST Film Project in the Works?
PBS/Burns Show Interest
Until now no one has dared to tell the definative story of rock icons Situation Tranquil. But famed documentary filmamke Ken Burns (The Civil War, Baseball, Jazz, Pick Up Point, Ostfildern) is in preliminary discussions with Situation Tranquil's management team. Burns hopes to be able to gain permission to produce a 35 hour, 19-part documentary delving into the life and times of the band and its members.
"We can never underestimate the importance of this band and their music. They have left a permanent mark on not just our society but all of human kind." Said Burns. "I want to finally tell the whole story, blemishes and all."
The plan would be to begin production in the fall. PBS has cleared six weeks of airtime for the summer of 2007.
"We are talking. We are seeing what this is all about. Naturally we wouldn't sell our souls for nothing." Said guitartist Iggy Burnett.
"It's about time the boys get their story told. They are a special group of guys who have transformed our world in a profound way." Said PBS chairman Leonard Horton. "We at PBS see this as a public service. It is responsibilty to expose the true greatness that is ST."
Killing The Radio Star
"Monolith of Madness" Video due in August
Situation Tranquil are spending this week in Elmer, New Jersy shooting the music video for their newest single, "Monolith of Madness". Under the guidance of famed director Phil Toups the band is seeking to 'redefine the genre' of the music video.
"I've spent time with the boys. I've picked their brains. I've listened to the catalogue of their past recordings. And now it's time to tie it all together into one masterful package. This video is without question my finest hour." said a confident Toups.
"He's cool and lets us do what we do best which is to ultimately rock with God-given authority." commented KF Nibla.
The video is due for release on the ST Network (channel 832 on DirecTV, 625 on Dish Network) in early August.
The Shirt Off Our Backs
New ST Apparrel ready to be shipped.
Situation Tranquil in cooperation with "Fruit of the Loom" is proud to announce their new line of ST wearables. Stylish, comfortable and durable you will be the talk of the town.
Purchase these beauties at any Sears, Target, K-Mart, Macy's, 7-11, Exxon, McDonald's, Starbucks or U.S. Post Office.
KF/Trash Seek Salary Cap
Support Members Furious
Situation Tranquil founders KF Nibla and Dr. Trash are seeking to limit the income of other members of the band.
"We've been here since day numero one baby." KF said in a recorded statement. "The legend of the band has been built upon blood, sweat and mucus of myself and my trusted colleague Dr. Trash."
The remaining members of the band are less than happy at the prospect of becoming hourly workers. "I've been playing in this band. Building a life for myself since 1982" said drummer Markus K. Elman. "The idea that somehow I just joined up is false. I mean the band was like 2 days old when I joined. I'm not some session guy."
Nibla and Trash are seeking legal measures that would allow ST's management company to pay each 'non-original' member no more than $11.52 an hour for their work in the U.S. based band for the ages.
"It's no secret who makes this band go, makes it tick, stirs this high powered and flavorful drink. Quite simply it is myself and Mr. Nibla." said Dr. Trash in a written statement.
Gary Frey, Markus K. Elman, James R. Beach, Kenneth W. Weeks, and Iggy S. Burnett are seeking an injunction from a federal court to stop the forced salary retraint.
"This is truly an unfortunate situation and anything but tranquil. Get it?" said the group's manager Joe Wright.